What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 11:25
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do British people always write "xxx" after their names?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Stock futures inch lower to kick off start of the new trading month: Live updates - CNBC
What did i know ?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Farewell, Mr. Eclipse: Fred Espenak dies at 71 - Astronomy Magazine
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im still living with it.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Fans slam Gearbox CEO Randy Pitchford's message to "cost sensitive" fans - Eurogamer
I have no regrets .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were not on the streets..
Why do ugly men flirt with girls that are really hot?
Comes on , in middle age.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
What would you do if you were lost at sea in the Florida Keys?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was seconnd youngest,
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Can you share the entire summary of your spiritual life?
Ive learnt so much.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Put me off passion for life!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Derek Carr explains his decision to give up $30 million and retire - NBC Sports
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
He resisted the act ,that day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
I could never make a relationship work though!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
This is soul school!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We all went to grammer schools
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was very sick at this time too.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it wasn’t much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I said to her
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My life is so biszare .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
So whats the point in blame.
I was 9 years of age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She loved him until the end.
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
And i lived it daily.
She married twice! .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
All the time i was locked up.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
(And it was in our own minds.)
I think the readers, may guess!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One cannot live in the past .
She wouldn,t have been !
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I will be 64.
My family never makes their pension either.
I waited trembling.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Would this be the day?
Especially a lifetime of it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But, we were locked up after school.
I was scared of men, in general
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She found it foreign!.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So, i spoilt her more .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When she asked me how she looked .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He knew the spot.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I couldn’t, believe it.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,